“The sun will come out tomorrow” and other useless lyrics

Photo courtesy of Intographics on pixabay

Why is guilt a pervading response to bad things that have happened to me?

Until this very day, at the age of 41 and half, I thought that was the right response. Until this day, I thought that it was that I had ¨oppositional defiance disorder,¨ a woman who conducts risky behaviors and gets what she deserves.

Until I heard another woman, Amy Schumer, loudly declare on stage that is not the case. And I believe her.

I always had the feeling that I had put myself in each circumstance, and that made me culpable for every other person’s actions thereafter. That just by being in the same space and time as my friends, that gave them license to take my virginity. It has now been explained to me that without having been asked for permission, it therefore falls under the category of ¨taken¨, and is thus non-consensual.

Even when you’ve skipped school, lied to your parents, colored your hair blue, picked your nose since you were 3, kissed the boy before, or several dozen boys and girls before. Even when you would have said yes.

Before that event, I had been head strong, creative, introverted, and focused on school. When a person marginalizes themselves in order to cope, it will happen again. Not because I’ve got a psychiatric…